my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
