just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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