We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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