Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
