Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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