If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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