I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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