so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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