If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
