I have demons in me.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
