How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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