He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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