You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
