I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
