Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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