I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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