Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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