i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
