Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
