The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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