Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
