His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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