So drunk its hurt
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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