We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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