Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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