he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
