VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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