What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
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