um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize