I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
