just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
