So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
