well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
