Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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