I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
