I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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