Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
