Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
