I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
