Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
That accounts for only three of the penises
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
