Yo dont text me then not text me
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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