Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I understand Curling. That high.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
