honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize