a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
