you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
