even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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