Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
