when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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