It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
