Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so let's talk penis.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
