oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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