grandma shit on top of the toilet
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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