420 ftw
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
