absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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