Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
