break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
