I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
