And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize