you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
