My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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