pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
