I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
