I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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