I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
