State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
