I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
