Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
