OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize