You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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