she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
